Asiana Grand Buffet

10 Reviews on “Asiana Grand Buffet”

• Linda

  Worst Asian Buffet ever. Everything I tried was overcooked and tasteless. Told ladies at checkout and no apologies, only bored, could care less, I hear this everyday looks. Won’t be back!

  December 21, 2017, 10:30 pm

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• Dolly Goodson

  We have eaten at Asiana’s several times. The food is very good and the staff is very friendly. They come by to check on us and see if we need anything and keep our drinks refilled. We love Asiana’s!

  June 27, 2016, 9:34 pm

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• Drexler McStyles

  Fear & Loathing at the Grand Buffet. Asiana Grand Buffet, 3rd Place Winner; Best Chinese Restaurant, 3rd Place Winner; Best Other Asian Restaurant, 2014 Mountain Xpress, Best of WNC Readers PollI was familiar with the first and second places winners, but not this one. A buffet? Really? I knew where the place was, due to our frequent visits to Pho-R-Us, just up the road from their sign. Hhhmm. Well, as the good doctor used to say; Buy the Ticket. Take the Ride Could it be as bad as how good they think it is? Maybe. But thats the point; you never know, unless you go. So we did.Pulling into the massive lot I was overwhelmed by vague pangs of nostalgia, no doubt stemming from memories of Las Vegas, and the time spent in ugly monstrosities similar to the one standing before us. All that was missing were the drunks, staggering towards more losses, and urine stained copies of ‘Little Darlings’, strewn all over the sidewalk to complete the picture. But it was only once we were inside and led into the dining arena, that reality itself, turned grotesque. For those of you who I havent had the pleasure of meeting in real life, Im a pretty big guy; six foot six and about 250 pounds of pure chili cheese fries. Yet, at this orgy of obesity, I looked the part of a featherweight. We actually stayed glued to our booth for about five minutes, just absorbing the general depravity of the scene. There was one woman, looked about 52, but from front to back, was at least 59. What stood before us, was a human top. I pictured her, spinning around on the tile; a wobbly mass of blurred flesh in pink stretch pants; incredible. Then I remembered that I was here to eat and quickly put her out of my mind.We approached the buffet with a touch of nausea, and this was not helped by the first bin I peered into; steamed whiting fish. There lay a single, warbly fillet, decomposing in a pool of yellow oil. I quickly looked away, into a different bin. Other than the tag, which identified it as pineapple chicken these looked just like the glop covered clods in the two adjoining bins; sweet & sour chicken and its cousin; general tso chicken. The only difference being that they were each a different color; yellow, orange and red. Why not? I grabbed a couple of the yellow ones and an orange, for comparisons sake. My eyes suddenly caught a flash of the lo mein; streaky neon lengths of hot apricot, fizzled ever so slightly by some rusty carrots and failing wads of celery. Couple grips of that tossed into the mix. Who knows? Maybe it would make me translucent like the plankton. An egg roll to round things out and then a cautious battle to get back to the table. The wife was right behind me, Look, sushi! I had seen the sushi and it looked harmless enough. But the bowls of wasabi and gari, the wasabi especially, which looked like a puddle of pond scum, gave me doubts. I looked at her plate, did the math and just smiled at her, Mmmmhm I said, under my breath. No need to be the cause of alarm, once ingested, the food would do that on its own. I knew, if I had to, that I could get her to the emergency room in 11 minutes if traffic played to our favor.Anyhow, I failed to mention that I had grabbed a couple of steamed won tons when I was scoring all the other loot. There are actually pictures of these in the slide show on their website. They seem to be quite proud of them. Remember when you were a kid, those giant gumball that had the crunchy outer shell? You bit through the shell and were greeted by a huge wad of gum that took about three hours to break down? These won tons were like that, minus the flavor that the gum at least had. Besides the egg roll, which actually tasted like a real restaurant egg roll, the contents of that first plate was one bite of dry, chewy or cold rubbish, after another. At this point I did what any sensible person at a Chinese buffet would do; I got up and made another plate.On my second go around, I discovered some things I had missed on my initial run. However, there was what appeared to be a human walrus, dressed in a maroon, mounted elk head patterned jogging suit (this is no lie), working at a truly hellish rate, to empty as much Mongolian beef from the trough onto his plate as it was possible for the thing to withstand. Sweat pouring down his face, expanding the stains under his armpits, panting all the while with a look of desperation and greed in his eyes that stays with me even now, days later. For reasons both obvious and subconscious, my appetite shifted into a lower gear. I had learned during my first load-up, not to keep my eyes in one place any longer than was absolutely necessary. This applied not just to the food, but more importantly, to the people. After he finally waddled away I had access to that side of the station, and to the Thai Style Curry. I mostly scooped out the chicken and yellow oil, as the veggies looked past retirement. I then noticed another station I hadnt seen before. Well call this the Kids station. It contained exotic classics from the far east like macaroni & cheese, jalapeno poppers, chicken strips and a few other items that I couldnt bear to identify, as well as a soft serve ice cream station. I grabbed a scoop of mac & cheese. What the hell, why not? I thought it might pair nicely with the curry oil. Another egg roll and a couple slices of teriyaki chicken to balance the plate and it was back to the stall. The Missus was there, waiting for me. Her eyes were wide and awestruck, Look over there, do you see them nodding somewhere towards the other side of the zoo. Dont ask me that, dont make this worse that it already is. Ive already seen things.. I trailed off. I needed to find the sanity of the restroom, if only to regather myself for a moment. On the way there I noticed another seating area, walled in by gaudy Asian trellis work, called the Fortune Room. The two tables worth of guests seated in there had come seeking something inherently less for themselves than fortune. That much was sure, and from the look in their eyes, it was something they would defend ferociously, down to the last forks worth. Should it come to that. It was a strange setting for a commentary on our culture of sloth and decadence. I considered it for only as long as I needed to, and then continued at a steady pace towards the mens room.Once that was over with, I felt much better. I returned to the table with a sense of renewed purpose. Hows it coming I asked, being sure to show her that I had a little pep to my step. This, is absolutely disgusting. she snarled, point blank into my face. I put on my best fake smile and said What is All of it. She then gave me an inventory of every item on her plate, each of which had a single bite taken from them. After she made her way through the catalog I quietly spit the teriyaki chicken out into a napkin, stood up and said Im gonna get another plateShe was right of course. Everything was terrible, in the worst imaginable way. But knowing that I was only going to do this once, I figured I might as well go all in. I had eaten at many buffets in Vegas, none nearly as bad as this, but the sense of place, and possibility of adventure left you pining for something elusive and rare. I was trying to carry that feeling over into this situation. Even if it made absolutely no sense at all and was entirely impossible to do.The beef on a stick and its neighbor chicken on a stick looked great next to my fried rice which wasnt really fried, but rather, just some white rice littered with the obligatory peas and carrots. Maybe I slopped on another helping of the neon noodles too, sounds entirely probable. When I returned the Fox was eating a bowl of ice cream. I casually set the bait; Good stuff? That look of paradise lost, sad and worn I dont even know what this is. And just like that, she threw in the towel. I made a meager attempt to stick with it though. Those beef kabobs might have actually have deserved some merit, thirty minutes ago when they had at least been room temperature. But now; not so much. I sat back, trying to make one final portrait of the scene in my mind.There was an older couple (the other majority shareholder of this restaurants clientele base) eating behind us, chatting with some friends that had recognized them and came over to say hello. I didnt catch the whole conversation, but what I caught was enough. Apparently, the couple at the table had recently come back from spending some time in Hong Kong and Japan, on business. His friend said Oh, so the food over there is pretty similar to this then There was a pause, just long enough to allow me to understand that words were being carefully chosen. Finally the old timer said; Not exactly. I couldnt have said it better myself.Grade: D- (Almost forgot to mention the Chinese donuts. I skipped them.) drexlermcstyles.tumblr.com

  November 20, 2014, 7:49 pm

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